Different Languages Fit Different Purposes

SOCIAL STUDIES - January 28, 2008

The study of languages gets increasingly difficult the further back you go. There are languages, language branches, language trees and language families each of which shows the derivative nature of the language. Let me explain using my lingua franca, English, which is from the West Germanic branch of the Germanic Tree of the Indo-European Language Family. You can see how this can be confusing because without going into dialect there are at least 30 major languages spoken today.

I have found, however, an interesting and socially challenging way to discover everything you need to know about languages. The only thing you need to do is travel to Walt Disney World for a week. Or if you are like me, make sure the next time you go to Florida you go at a completely different time of year.

I am pretty sure last week was some sort of Brazilian school holiday – as it seemed to be in the majority of languages spoken while casually strolling through the park. But a few years ago I went in August and there were more people speaking German than you can shake a stick at. Curiously, I have never been to Disney when the majority of people around me were speaking English.

Which sort of makes sense when you consider that we are only (perhaps) the third most spoken language in the world; there are 873 million people who speak Mandarin Chinese, 358 million Spanish speakers, Depending on who is doing the counting then you find Arabic at either 422 million (making it perhaps the second most spoken language, the problem is lack of census data in Arabic countries) or perhaps Hindi, but there is also a problem counting Hindi speakers where estimates range from 181 to 361 million.

English does make it somewhere into the top languages at 309 million native speakers. It also has the most people capable of speaking it, 1.5 billion; but I’ll save the commentary on colonialism for another day.

Science aside, if you find yourself at Disney, one out of every six people is probably speaking English. Which is what makes it even more fun, little kids excitedly speaking Dutch to each other, a Norwegian couple walking by chatting about, well, I don’t really know, I recognize Norske only by sound; the countless Brazilians speaking their loud version of Portuguese... French, German; you can hear almost any language being spoken at any moment.

One episode sticks out in my mind though. It poured rain, for an hour, the first day we went to Disney’s Animal Kingdom. A tropical downpour is enough to test anyone’s conception of the ‘happiest place on earth’ and this was magnified by the fact that the temperature was only in the upper 60’s and it felt cold. I must admit that I myself blew my cool at the kids for the most infinitesimal amount of time. As it was clearing up I went on a ride alone as it was too scary for the kids and when leaving I ran into an Italian couple out and out fighting about which ride to go on next.
They were toe to toe shouting at each other. I am almost sure it was derogatory and filled with expletives; and it sounded so romantic you would just melt if someone yelled at you like that. This is where Romance languages have it way over us guttural speakers. Even swear words sound, well, romantic.

I am convinced that we can save a lot on marriage counselling by taking up a few foreign languages instead. It is not impossible; I was in line at Disney for a Funnel Cake of all things (think fried dough poured out of a funnel into the fat) which was made by a Mandarin speaking cook who said to the Mandarin speaking cashier something witty in their dialect, which he instantly translated to English for my benefit. What shocked me was that the next person in line engaged the young cashier in Italian and he answered her fluently without a hint of an accent.

Most Europeans speak more than one language; most Quebecers as well when it comes right down to it. So here is my brand new 2008 resolution – I am going to learn episode specific languages. What I mean by that is that I am going to learn enough French that it is the language I always use to order in restaurants. I am going to keep English for telemarketers and tax assessors. German would do well for border crossing and police investigation with all of its harsh consonants, Norwegian for walking the dog when it is 40 below, and last but not least, Italian for fighting with my wife.

I do not mean to be derogatory – I think each and every language is beautiful and deserves to be learned and understood by all of us. Some languages just naturally seem to lend themselves to specific undertakings and we would be richer people if we broadened our own linguistic abilities. Maybe it is too difficult a goal, we will have to see. I still have a tin whistle, harmonica, yo-yo, and acoustic guitar at home collecting dust so I am not holding my breath. But I do encourage you to learn to fight in Italian. Trust me, it will be worth it.