Monday, December 29, 2008

Do we dupe ourselves with our generosity?

SOCIAL STUDIES - Published Monday December 29th, 2008

Okay, I realize that I will get in a lot of trouble for this column; but it comes out of a couple of experiences and conversations I have had lately.

The first experience was going online to shop the World Vision Catalogue and see what it is possible to buy for people in developing countries. It is an amazing catalogue. My father is a doctor, so we decided instead of buying him a Christmas gift we would "stock a medical centre" in his name.

It is kind of cool, and yet, the first thing you notice in browsing the site is that spending $100 is like a drop in the bucket. The need is so great, and the impact of our giving so small, that it is truly heart wrenching.

And I know for a fact, having spent a month in a Guatemalan Refugee Camp that these are the type of people who would give their last meal to you if you showed up as a guest.

The second experience I recently had was a serious conversation with a friend who feels a little "Scroogy" about the whole Christmas scene. The real problem came about 15 minutes into me trying to get her into a more jingle bells sort of mood; when I realized much to my dismay, that she was right.

Here is what got to me: I wrote a feature about generosity in the city and discovered some pretty amazing things about how generous we all are; I was feeling pretty good about it all.
After all, we give enough to enable 1,700 Christmas baskets to be distributed by Headstart. We have donated more than 4,000 turkeys through the annual Sue Stultz Turkey Drive. It is all great, right?

But here is a quick reality check. What about the New Year?

If a family can't afford a turkey dinner at Christmas, how are they going to celebrate the change of year? Or in fact, pay for heat in February?

You see, 4,700 turkeys says a lot about generosity, but not a whole lot about justice. What kind of a world is it that has at least 5,000 people in Moncton unable to meet basic necessities like a turkey? Why is poverty so rampant?

If you look in the homes section of the paper you will find that it is hard to buy anything under $200,000 and that the average home that they feature runs in the $400,000 range. Even these homes are only three bedroom and two bath. I heard the other day that the average housing tax bill in Moncton is just over $2,000 a year, which means that the "average" Moncton home is worth a little over $200,000.

Yet we allow such extreme swings in income that people don't have the money for food.
Trust me, it is not that these people have done anything wrong, or at least, most of them have not; they simply struggle day by day to eke out an existence in a world that truly makes it hard for the average person.

I have heard many a people look down their noses at others who are poor, or on welfare, or in trouble. I have been all three in my life; and I have also been wealthy and secure. I can tell you without a doubt that it is mostly random chance that causes one's life situation.

I was born in North America to wealthy parents and I was generally healthy. Did I deserve any of that? Or did I just luck out? And because of my luck I now live an affluent lifestyle. Sure, some of it is the old me pulling myself up by the bootstraps. I went out and worked for what I have.
But I also realize that happiness is a razor wire away from despair; and there is not much I can do to tip the scales one way or another. A random car accident for example, might change everything.

So back to generosity at Christmas; the problem with which is that it is so short-sighted. In fact, it is incredibly short-sighted; so much so that it allows us to feel we have truly made a difference and therefore walk away.

I give a turkey once a year and that excuses me from all manner of social injustices; right?
We all realize how silly this sounds. We are all capable, however, of fooling ourselves into believing that being nice once a year is all it takes to change the world.

Me too; I have always argued that Christmas is the best of what our consumerist culture is capable of; and proof that deep down we are all generous and big hearted. But I am beginning to allow doubt to creep into my overly cheer filled view of Christmas giving.

I don't mean to point fingers, and I certainly don't want to stop any of the good work that is done at Christmas. I do, however, believe we have to re-examine the idea that it is enough.

If we are going to survive as a species we need to do some serious soul searching around values and identity. We need to stop thinking there is such a thing as us and them. We need to realize that to have justice and equality we really do have to give something up.

I for one believe we can do it.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Story Picked up on the Newswire

A little divergence from the regular posts... I wrote an article on Christmas packing, and everytime I google it it is appearing in a different newpaper across Canada... I dont understand the newspaper world enough to know how one gets a "newswire" story... But this is my first...

you can check it out from the "parent" company here:

http://dailygleaner.canadaeast.com/search/article/522747

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Facebook offers sense of community back

SOCIAL STUDIES - Published Monday December 22nd, 2008

Here is some exciting news from the world of the Internet. For perhaps the first time since the whole World Wide Web thing has caught on; pornography is not the number one use.

This fall, the use of Facebook and other social networking programs surpassed the use of online nudity for entertainment.

For those who have so far managed to avoid it, Facebook is a site where you can create a profile with information about yourself you would like to share. Those profiles are searchable, and also categorized using your history. For example, mine says I went to Kennebecasis Valley High School, that I went to Mount Allison, that I went to McGill and that I belong to the Professional Writers Association.

So if you are searching for Mount A grads, you just enter it and a list of anyone who ever went to that university shows up. It is a great way to find old friends.

And then there are games and quizzes. Imagine finding an old friend and then challenging them to see who remembers the names of more 1970s actors. Or who can identify the most companies by their logo, or even which superhero is better, stronger, and faster.

Or you can collect cards and trade them; send virtual gifts to each other; and even compete in word games.

From my perspective the more interesting application is that whenever you log on you can change your "what are you doing now" line. Sometimes I enter absolutely useless trivia -- as I write this it says "Brett is tired."

So if I look back on my profile, it works out sort of like a journal. I can see what I felt was important enough to share over the last few hours, days, weeks or even months. My friends are free to comment on my status and ask questions -- or make snide remarks -- or even wish me well.

Now, the naysayers of the world will tell you that this self involved navel gazing is the worst sort of waste of time. I had a friend, a senior executive at a company; tell me that she thinks every Type A executive in the world is playing Rat Pack on Facebook. She could be right, but she was laughing as she said it because so was she.

You see, I think that Facebook could be our salvation, not our downfall. There is just something about it that is restoring meaning to life.

First off, by forcing yourself to actually write down what you are doing, and perhaps even what you are feeling, you are engaging in one of the oldest of psychological and spiritual tools -- the self evaluation. By doing it publicly you are becoming more accountable to those around you for who and how you are. You can no longer get away with answering "fine" to people unless you are willing to back it up if they ask.

So there is one benefit; it gives us meaning in a world where meaning is hard to come by. It allows us to take stock of what is important and keep track of it -- all while having a little fun.

Now the second and equally important benefit is that of community. It may sound, I don't know, corny, to believe that an online group of past friends and present colleagues forms a community; but it really does. I know quite a lot about some of the people I have become re-acquainted or further acquainted with. I know when they are happy, sad, what types of books they read, and shows they watch. As they share the trivia of their lives it comes alive in a more complete picture than I have ever known.

Of course, back in the day you would have talked to your neighbour, and communities were formed around geographical location. This was also the day when you could count on having a lot in common with that same neighbour. You probably were about the same income bracket, you probably were both married with 2.5 kids, you probably looked the same, dressed the same, talked the same, bowled in the same league and last but not least, grew up together.

None of that is necessarily true in today's society. In fact, many of my Facebook friends are more like me than the people I live beside. Not to mention the fact that you can choose whether or not to allow them to be friends with you -- unlike your neighbours.

You see, I have moved around a lot. I have lived in a lot of provinces, in cities and small towns, held jobs ranging from manual labour through to professional and everything in between. I know that it is very hard to find community in today's world.

Workplaces have sexual harassment laws and reduced budgets, which is not a bad thing by any means, but it does make it harder to have social events and Christmas parties. Neighbourhoods are made up of double income families working opposite shifts and managing day care and life responsibilities so there really is not much time to get together for pot luck. We need Facebook for the community it is capable of.

A lot of businesses have begun to limit access to social networking sites, I think they are wrong. I say this for two main reasons.

One, back in the day when I took psych courses I discovered that we use very little brain function to do any one activity. Just think about driving a car, listening to the radio and thinking about the business meeting; we multi task well.

Second, it can create corporate community.

If you can't beat em, join em, as the saying goes.

I for one am glad it came into existence.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Remembering that sometimes life isn't about me

SOCIAL STUDIES - Published Monday December 15th, 2008

A lot can be said about New Year's resolutions. Most of us make them, in one form or another, and perhaps we are not being overly serious about them; but I think we all feel that there are things about us we would like to change.

What are some you have made over the years? Lose weight? Have you ever decided you are going to stop drinking, smoking, swearing, or losing your car keys? How successful are you at that?

I think the problem is that we make resolutions that are so specific, and so pass or fail, that we have doomed ourselves from the beginning.

This year I have decided to take a completely different tact. I am resolving to remember that it is not about me.

I think this is a potentially life changing affirmation that we could all make and therefore go into 2009 in a way that would ensure it was the best year ever. So let me explain.
There are countless things that happen to me in the run of a day that really make me feel badly. Imagine, if you will, a hypothetical day in my life.

I get up and things are so stressful, my daughters will not co-operate with anything because they are rebelling against me and don't respect me. My wife is in a rush to get to a meeting and I misinterpret her stress. Then the Tim Horton's employee is snarky with me, probably because I am not handsome enough to bother with. The RCMP officer who pulls me over for speeding doesn't even listen to me because I am obviously a moron. Over at the Superstore I can't get anyone to help me because I am not dressed well enough and on it goes.
I am sure you have all been there.

My reaction in each of those circumstances is to believe that somehow they say something about who I am, fundamentally, deep down. What if we approached the same events from a new perspective, using my new resolution that it is not really about me?

My kids hardly sleep at all these days and it seems they don't eat enough. They probably wake up grumpy because of that. My wife and I aren't even getting as much sleep as they are so perhaps that is why we are gruff. Perhaps the manager just said something hurtful to the Tim Horton's cashier before I came. I am pretty sure the RCMP woman found out that very morning that her father was dying of lung cancer. While the Superstore person has now worked 17 hours because their replacement did not show up and every second person is trying to get 27 items through the under 15 line.

Is that not every bit as likely as my original assumption that every person is out to get me for some reason?

Imagine if we could somehow this year resolve to have just enough self confidence to feel in our hearts that most people have their own problems too, and whatever they are saying or doing with us is filtered through their own emotions, pain, stress and even joy.

Imagine what the world would be like if we did not jump to conclusions; and if we stopped thinking that no one likes us. But rather lived our lives knowing that we were of value and could probably do something to help the other people feel better.

I guess I am sort of suggesting an emotional "pay it forward" scheme. The easy way to change the world in 2009 would be for us to actually start engaging one another "for real" and then maybe we could start seeing the others around us for who they are; as genuine people with their own problems and concerns.

Who knows, if I am right, all those other people, from Tim Horton's right through to the Superstore employees might just be nicer too if they take the time to think that the people they encounter have problems too.

Alas there seems to be so much that stands in the way of such a simple solution. Most of us carry over into adulthood some form of childhood trauma. This could be as little as being the last person picked for the baseball game; which I often was. We tend to remember the girl who rejected our offer of a dance at the school sock hop and let it scar us for life. Or we watch television, pick up fashion magazines, or start comparing ourselves to the people around us.

All of these activities which I categorize under the heading of being human force us to build walls around ourselves. These walls eventually make it hard to see the forest for the trees and we begin to misinterpret people and jump to conclusions. Not only that but if you are at all like me you find it hard to break out from within the protection of those walls and actually check the facts.

So there we go; we have a plan for the New Year and a resolution that could make the world of difference. Don't get me wrong, this is not going to be easy. As a friend recently pointed out I resolved last year to run a marathon this year. I have a long way to go if I hope to accomplish either.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Is doing nothing for a month the best?

SOCIAL STUDIES - Published Monday December 8th, 2008

always try to be writing about something different; something out of the ordinary. There are so many people who write about, or even who express their opinion about politics, for example. So I have tried to be a voice about society in general, and less specifically about the governance.

Of course, I am an opinion writer and I would not be one if I did not have very strong opinions.

So I am going to wade into the current political controversy -- carefully.

I have always understood that the possibility of a non-confidence vote was in effect the corrective to dictatorship. I think of it as a majority veto. In the American system there are more checks and balances then you can shake a stick at. It doesn't always work, but at the same time, there are multiple ways that a bill can be vetoed.

We simply do not have as many checks and balances, we have a more distributed power system -- or perhaps a less distributed one, but what we do have is the possibility that the party which holds the power looses the confidence of the House.

I think that is very important. No one seems to be reminding anyone of this, but Joe Clark lost the confidence because his party proposed an 18 cent per gallon tax on gasoline.

I hold that up simply to state that governments in our country have been toppled for less than fiscal mismanagement on the brink of economic collapse. I am disappointed that somehow the Harper government has sidestepped the issue of whether or not they have the confidence of the House.

This is an important distinction, and one that Harper himself is ignoring, what matters here is the confidence of the House, not the confidence of the voters.

I say that he is ignoring this because he has consistently stated that the opposition party, or the coalition, does not have the support of the voters, his party does.

We do not, however, vote a person into power individually; we vote a party into power until such a time as the people who represent us deem that they have failed.

For the first time, a Canadian government has managed to simply escape the fate of this decision by doing something that is worthy of Robert Mugabe -- deciding that things are not going their way and then changing the rules.

The reason given is that the people have spoken.

But this is simply not true. Our definition of representational government is not that we elect people to power and then feed them the answers. Our MPs do not have to have opinion polls in their riding before a decision is made. Instead, we elect the person who we think would make the best decisions on their own, and we send them off to do it.

They represent us only in the sense that we empower them to act on our behalf. It is more of a proxy vote then a direct democracy of the people.

Because of this there are hundreds, nay millions, of things about Parliament and the nitty-gritty of running a country that most of us have absolutely no idea about. Nor do I have the time or desire to know about most of these details; that is someone else's job; in my case, Brian Murphy's job.

So if Brian Murphy believes Harper is doing it wrong and deserves to be removed -- then I will have to trust Brian's judgment. After all, he knows far greater than I what should have been done.

In a sense this all boils down to trust. We forget that what we are called to do is elect people who we trust have the skills to do the best job; once we elect them we should set them free to act. We also elect people who are trustworthy to do the right thing. I know popular opinion leads us to believe otherwise, but at the time that is what we are thinking.

I am not really trying to sound a rallying cry to kick out the Conservatives. Nor am I trying to suggest we leave them alone. What I, and I am not alone in this, am wondering, is why something more decisive did not happen one way or another.

Is a vote of non-confidence a hollow threat? Is there no sense in which governments are accountable for their actions in between elections?

So what happens next? I have literally no idea except that we wait for over a month while everyone supposedly just goes home and celebrates Christmas.

Meanwhile, the economy continues to slide into despair; friends and family of each one of us continue to lose their jobs; stock markets crash; all because Stephen Harper advised the Governor General that the best thing to do in a crisis is nothing.

Remember there's a plan

RELIGION TODAY - Published Saturday December 6th, 2008

In many churches, the four weeks before Christmas are the season of Advent.

It comes from the Latin word "Adventus" which means "coming" and it really is a season of preparation. In my church, we have blue candles and pulpit clothes which set a sombre mood -- a mood of expectation and longing.

This year that sombreness seems closer than ever; there are so many things that seem to have gone wrong with the world -- from global warming right through the economic meltdown there seems to be nothing but bad news on the horizon.

I am not sure about you; but I think I have seen more stressed out people this fall than I remember from ever before. The religious question in all this becomes "where can we find God?" and perhaps we also ask "Is there any hope in these troubled times?"

The season began some six days ago with a prophet of ancient Israel yelling to God, asking that the heavens be torn open so that God would make the earth shake. "Anything to make us believe that there is more than this!" he seemed to be asking.

That is Advent.

And we have all stood at the precipice of grief in one way or another and looked into that personal abyss. We have all had things happen to us that make us question -- question the goodness of the world, question our values, question God.

We have all had to begin again; and we begin with expectancy.

I love the stories of Advent. Of Gabriel whispering in Mary's ear, silently changing Joseph's mind. The visit of Mary with her cousin Elizabeth; a story which to anyone who has ever seen a pregnant woman rings so true to life, as they are overjoyed with their expectation. Even John the Baptist with his rough camel skin clothing odd dietary practices brings something interesting to the table.

All of these characters remind us that the time is not now. They are all looking to the future. Joseph and Mary are starting a family, Mary and Elizabeth are giving birth, and John is making the rough places smooth. In each story, we are asked to imagine ourselves looking around at what we see, and knowing that God has something else in store.

So what does God have in store for us? I am certainly not the type of person who believes that God controls the outcome of every roll of the die, at the same time, I believe in divine purpose. Which is to say the universe is unfolding "for" something; there is a plan of sorts; just not one that says that God pre-ordained there to be snow this Christmas.

What I mean by plan is more like this: spring is supposed to follow winter. That is the way it was designed. The universe and all the characters that fret and strut their way across its stage are supposed to be living in peace and harmony and love. It is just the natural order of things.
The fact that there seems to be a lot more stress than love right now is a pretty good indication that we are living in the "not yet." We are living in the season of Advent.

We are not waiting to be rescued, or at least we shouldn't be. We are not waiting for that one way ticket to heaven; because there are no guarantees. We are waiting to be reminded.

In a few different ways, the Bible says that Jesus came into the world to remind us of God. Another way we can say this is that Jesus came to remind us about love. Not romantic love, but true, deep down, heartfelt compassion. The kind of love we figure would be behind making the world such a beautiful place.

We tell the story of that love being born into the world in an unexpected way; as the son of a young girl and a carpenter in a stable in an out of the way desert province of the Roman Empire. We aren't waiting for that to happen again. But we should be on the lookout for an even more unexpected way that love becomes the centre of our world. God will remind us, somehow, somewhere, during this season; what it is to be human.

That is worth waiting for.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

What if you don't care that you don't care?

SOCIAL STUDIES - Published Monday December 1st, 2008

I heard a new word this week: Acedia.

Apparently there are words in the English language that come and go from time to time. It seems that we change enough as a society that some words just have no relevance to us anymore and we drop them. I am not trying to step on the toes of "Lex Talk"; just trying to justify to myself not hearing about a whole word.

Acedia is a word derived from ancient Greek describing a state of listlessness, of not caring or not being concerned with one's position or condition in the world. It can lead to a state of being unable to perform one's duties in life.

Now originally it was brought into our vocabulary because of monks. Think of it this way -- if you are suffering from acedia you don't care about anything; you don't even care that you don't care. So if you are a monk and what you do today is the same as what you did yesterday and the exact same as what you are going to do tomorrow and well, it is all just one repetition and you all of a sudden start thinking, "what is it all for? Nothing ever changes?" you might just be suffering from this condition.

I am not immune to depression. Not only do I know a lot of people who suffer from it; but it affects me from time to time. I am one of the lucky ones; when I get depressed more often than not it is situational and after any combination of time, rest, medication, and therapy; I seem to recover.

So far, there has been no acedia. As opposed to not caring, I realize I am getting depressed when I begin to realize that I do not enjoy.

I am quite an "experiential" person. I eat things because I want to experience them, for example. It really would not matter whether I liked them or not, I would still want to try them. I travel for the same reason. I love to experience life in all its fullness and so really pay attention to even the bad and painful things because they offer different experiences that I simply cannot get while everything is going well.

So every now and then there comes this time when something really good will happen to me, or I will get the chance to experience something absolutely new and different; and try as I might, I just don't seem to feel happy about it.

Did you know that 20 per cent of people in Canada will suffer from depression in their lifetime? Suicide alone kills 25 per cent of our young people and 16 per cent of adults.

This is important to realize because suicide is the result when depression goes as far as becoming acedia.

Think about it, if life no longer holds any meaning, if you truly do not care, and you do not even care that you do not care -- why go on?

This is a true danger for many people. And it is becoming more and more prevalent; which is why the word is coming back into common usage. I truly believe that one of the major problems that face us today is meaninglessness.

It is quite easy to start asking what meaning life has for you. It is even easier to ask that question once you realize you have most of the things you want. As long as life is about getting the house, getting the spouse, getting the kids, getting the good job, getting a boat, getting a big screen television you can at least substitute future goals for actual meaning. Most of us do this.

There comes a time though when you look around the house and realize you have most of what you imagined you would. Then what?

Traditionally we might call this a mid-life crisis. I think this is probably because it takes us about 40 years to get everything in order and then realize there must be more to it than this. But it could happen at 15, 20, 30 or 60.

It might lead to doing crazy things to try to bring meaning; like hang gliding or buying a Porsche.
But we soon realize that more things are not going to fill the hole. That is often when depression kicks in.

And if we do not do anything about it -- becomes worse and leads us to acedia which can lead us to suicidal thoughts.

There are countless people around you right now suffering from depression. Trust me. But the problem is that we have attached such a serious stigma to this, and we do discriminate so much that most people hide their own problems.

I don't know if it is superstition, lack of knowledge and empathy, old belief systems, or a tendency to fear and exclude people who are perceived as different; but stigma and discrimination have existed throughout history. They result in stereotyping, fear, embarrassment, anger and avoidance behaviours.

They force people to remain quiet about their mental illnesses, often causing them to delay seeking health care, avoid following through with recommended treatment, and avoid sharing their concerns with family, friends, co-workers, employers, health service providers and others in the community.

I just think that we should realize that life is hard. And that most of us are going to have times when we need help to get through it.

There is no shame in that.