Being nice brings all kinds of nice paybacks

SOCIAL STUDIES - MAY 31st 2008
So I went through a Tim Horton's drive thru the other day; not an unusual occurrence as you might have guessed by now. My wife and youngest baby were with me, and I believe I ordered two coffees and two muffins.

There was, of course, some complexity to the order as one was decaf, one had sugar twin instead of the regular double-double -- but basically I ordered in between snippets of conversation, never giving it another thought.

For the record, I did not win anything with the cup of coffee, never have yet, and I am way over the 10 to one odds. This leads me to wonder about conspiracy theories and speaking out against iconic coffee contests -- but I digress.

Now here is the interesting part. When we reached the window and the cash was handed over, the server leaned in close and said, "I gotta tell you, that was the politest order I have ever taken -- all the girls were listening and we were like, wow!" My first reaction was that my grandmother would be proud -- but my second thought was, wait a minute, I was not really trying to be polite, I wasn't even thinking about it.

I feel I also should tell you that I am no Miss Manners -- in fact, I can be downright surly by times. I am sure I was polite enough; I almost always say thank you, and sometimes even make eye contact . . . but the politest person ever?

It reminds me of the worst week I ever had, when I took a term off school to earn money and decided to try my hand at selling carpet cleaning over the telephone. At one point I joked with my friends that I had talked to over 1,000 people in a single day and the nicest thing anyone ever said was "No!" So as not to offend any sensitivity I will leave it to you, gentle reader, to fill in the worst response.

I understand the reaction to telemarketers, I have had it too, but how hard is it to be nice to someone who gives you a cup of coffee?

This is, after all, the nectar of the Gods, and they are in effect saving you from all manner of disasters: poor job performance, fatal vehicle accidents, lack of judgement in social situations. . .

And this is Tim Horton's for Pete's sake; these people make low wages with minimal tips -- I can only hope they get free donuts. Not only that, but for over a decade I have interacted with a Tim Horton's employee a minimum of three times a week, in at least five provinces, and countless different franchises, and I can count on one hand the number of times I have not been met with a smile.

I have no idea how they manage such a great outlook on life; but they certainly deserve at the very least a modicum of respect.

More than that, I would argue, they deserve to be treated as politely as possible.

If this were not incentive enough, how about that old adage that you get more flies with honey than vinegar. I know this to be true in my own life. For example, simply by being nice and engaging in conversation I have been offered free samples of almost every Tim Horton's product they have released. I still find myself drooling as I think back to the triple chocolate cookie right from the oven. I have been given a free apple pie from MacDonald's, a free Teen Burger from A&W, a free dessert at a Montana's, been pulled from a few snow banks, given free rides, had furniture moved, and been invited out for supper; all, I would argue, because of the respect I show for other people.

I don't mean to make it sound like I think you should do this to get free stuff -- quite the contrary, I am just offering a number of incentives. Another of them would be that we want people to be nice to us, and perhaps the easiest way to do that is to introduce some niceness into the world. Whatever the reason that might make you get on board, I urge you to consider adding a little more politeness to your day.

Life is rough for most of us, a lot of the time. To quote Amanda Marshall's song Everybody's Got a Story: "Now who can read the mind of the red-headed girl next door, or the taxi driver who just dropped you off or the classmate that you ignore? Don't assume everything on the surface is what you see, cause that classmate just lost her mother and that taxi-driver's got a Ph.D."

Our arrogance, or our stress, or our insecurities, or perhaps even our indifference cause us to overlook the people we come in contact with -- but everybody does have a story, and everybody has the same basic need of respect, compassion, and value.

I am sure what most of us really want deep down is for someone else to validate us, to be nice to us, to share a smile or a laugh and make the day that much less painful. My wife turned to me after this all took place and said, "See, you really do make a difference." Wouldn't we all want that now and again?

Let's make it a new sort of contest.

I bet any of you could beat me at being nice to the drive thru attendant.

Any takers?